It creeps in unnoticed; Or maybe we do see it creeping in. It comes to you with a thousand reasons to accept it. It makes you believe that it has the right to be with you. Maybe because of what you have done; or what someone has done to you.
The little devil…
It turns your head upside down:it tears your heart apart. It makes you believe that tears are your only consolation.It tries to keep you away from the real consolations, which are good reasoning, and proper evaluation of the situation. It tries to keep you away from the ones you love.It may even tell you that being with them will make your life miserable. All of these it does, so that it would have enough time to destroy you.
The little devil…
Now, listen my dear. Life isn’t a bed of roses.Nobody promised a life where we will have no worries or pains.We were never promised a smooth sail all through life.It may seem that the other fellow’s life is an easy sail. But hey! It only seems so because they have been able to manage their lives’ woes. Nobody’s life is perfect. We are all dealing with something at every point, and we all need someone at some point to get through some life’s woes. That’s one truth that the little devil keeps from you…yes. It tells you that nobody can help you, but listen up! There is help out there. Reach out to someone you trust…someone can help, yes, they can. Ditch that little lie from the little devil and seek help. Your life isn’t over yet…it is not even nearly over. Get up and live your dreams…get up and toss the little devil off the window! Cast away the darkness it overshadows you with, and embrace life.
Depression is an enemy: it is a Little devil, too little to destroy you!
I do miss my childhood days, when I had nothing to worry about other than how to get food down my throat. That is, if I had to; being fed also came with the special gift of being a child.
It was mama’s responsibilty to ensure that I was well fed. Sometimes I thought I was being ‘punished’ with food.
Oh! How ignorant I was.
I do miss my childhood days when I worried not about how to afford one of the best clothings for children…especially for festive periods. I had mama and papa to worry about that. All I cared about was having someone help me get into them, and off I went…to show off to my peers.
I do miss the times when the only times I cried were when I was asked to go to bed while my favourite cartoon show was still on…or when I didn’t get what I wanted immediately. Then, I thought I had too many problems…how ignorant I was…
Fast forward to a few decades later!
Now, putting food down my throat isn’t the problem…putting the food on the table is.
I have to work in order to earn the money. If not, the table remains what it is, a table.
Now, I appreciate the days mama and papa went out, toiling to provide for my siblings and I
Now, it makes sense why mama got upset when I didn’t’ eat…or when I wasted food.
Now, do I still throw tantrums when I don’t get the kind of clothings I want for festive times?
Now, do I still have enough time to catch up with my favourite TV programs?
Now, sleeping has become a luxury…the type that I struggle to afford sometimes.
Man! What is this called again? The ADULT life?
I can’t remember asking to grow up. Did you ask for it? How did we get here then?
Why do we have to grow up anyway?
Why can’t we remain children for…forever? 😒
Thoughts…thoughts…they fill my mind.
Thoughts about life
Thoughts about childhood
Thoughts about growing up
Thoughts about being a responsible adult
Thoughts about what I took forgranted as a child.
Here’s to every responsible ADULT out there 🙌
This isn’t a race for the faint hearted. No wonder some people give up.
But hey! If you’re still hanging in there, making sincere effort to make something good out of life, keep that up because you are a WINNER.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not doing enough.
Truly, there comes a time in everyone’s life when they sit down and reflect on the changes that come with life.
They say, the only constant thing in life is CHANGE. There is no truer statement.
Just make every CHANGE COUNT IN A POSITIVE WAY.
Let’s raise our glasses to EVERY RESPONSIBLE ADULT. 🥂🥂
“People should be allowed to end it when they want because it’s a punishment!”
These, were the words of a man who couldn’t make sense out of his life; a man who struggled everyday, sweated, but had nothing to show for it. A man without a vision…a man whose mission here is unknown. He would rather die than live a meaningless life.
Then! On the flip side:
“Oh! I have got that project going on”
“Oh! To get to the next level, I will have to do that course”
“Next week is the meeting with my investors, i need to prepare for it”
“Well, it didn’t go very well, but it’s better than nothing, i will make it up next time”
“I can’t wait for the next project”…
Words from the same man, who almost ended his life. Believe that? No way!
What changed?
He found a reason to live.
He had a vision, and built a mission from it.
He realised his role in this crazy sweet world of ours.
He became conscious of the huge impact he could make…and most importantly, he got hold of the paddle wheel and started paddling!
You know what? The situation isn’t peculiar to one man alone. As i write this, i recall how i dealt with my own little fears of life. And how i tried to answer some of these questions about why we are here.
Yes, I have been there too. I once questioned my life. I was once never sure if i wanted to go on living a “meaningless” life. And this happened until not too long ago. Yes, just recently, life didn’t make much sense to me.
But! Just like the man in my story, I first got a vision, and then I built a mission for myself. And now, waking up every morning, I think about my mission and how to make it happen. I think about all the ways i could make a difference in other people’s lives, LIVING MAKES MORE SENSE TO ME because of my clear vision and mission.
Now, I don’t question the meaning of life anymore, rather, I ask life, “What’s next?”
Nobody says it’s going to be easy. It takes a lot of work, constructive thinking, and sometimes, help from some people around you to realise who you are and what you are meant to be doing with your life.
Sometimes (most times to be honest), you may feel like giving up. But keeping your eyes and mind focused on the mission, gives you all the courage that you need.
If you are one of those struggling with life, i hope that you have that vision today and also get the wisdom to build a mission out of your vision.
Even if it doesn’t make much sense to you at the moment, keep going and soon, it will all come together.
And remember, the higher you move, the clearer your path becomes.
A woman who has achieved and is still aspiring to achieve more
A woman whose heart is burning with a passion to make a difference
A woman old enough to reflect!
And so, as I am reflecting, I am putting them down in words as a reminder…for more decades to come!
THE BEGINNING,2000
A child i was, freshly out of primary school…and freshly exploring the world of “Adults to be”
Did anyone say puberty!? Ahhh! Puberty! Adolescence! That period of awakening.
“You are becoming a woman now”, i was told.
“A woman? I am only twelve! I am not done being a child”, I would cry.
But the echoes stuck in my head. Yes, i was growing. The more i tried to deny that fact, the more my body bursted my bubbles.
The physical changes were overwhelming. I remember always holding down my shirt to press down my little sprouting breasts…I was that self-conscious.
I wished it would go away, but alas it didn’t. I had no other option than to embrace whom i was becoming , knowing that that would never go away.
All of me was fresh and almost blank about what life was all about, still trying to make sense out of life. But, my creativity seemed to be “older” than I was. At the age of 13, I had already started writing plays. Not one, not two, but three.
Whenever i read those original manuscripts, i smile at the innocence, yet fierceness of my growing mind. Yes, i was born with it!
SECOND DECADE, 2010
University days! 2010 started with a necessary growth. It marked the second year that I stayed away from the protective wings of my parents. It wasn’t easy, but I was glad. You know that weird fulfilling feeling you get when you think of yourself as “an adult”, who do not need anyone bossing them around anymore (well, for as long as you are within the confines of the Uni. Once you are back home, you are back to being the child that they will always see you as)
So,2010 was the year that I sat up and faced my studies squarely…it was the year of awakening as far as my academic life was concerned. It occurred to me that if I wanted that 1st class grade, then I had to sit up. Well, good grades were made henceforth, but not enough to get us into the 1st class train. (I am good with my 2:1 anyway)
2010-2011
2010
Life was blissful, I mean, I practically had all that I wanted. Love, money, my few friends that inspired me, and my creativity. And yeah, school was pleasant too.
The years would have been perfect if in June 2011, I didn’t lose my dad. Just a day after my birthday. That was the worst June ever. Dad’s death cost me a lot…but I somehow found the courage to pick myself up and moved on.
Graduating in 2011, and just 2 months after I completed the compulsory NYSC, my first writing job came to me on a platter of gold, courtesy of my now husband, who was a friend at the time.
At my first writing job
I had a writing talent, but men!, that first job almost crushed my hopes of becoming a writer. My first direct boss didn’t believe in me…well, he didn’t believe in anyone in the team. But being a very sensitive person, I had the worst of it.
I learnt from the job, but it equally frustrated me. I just knew that I had to make a move. So, I moved…but it wasn’t a very good move. I moved from worse to worst. Where i found myself almost drained life out of me. I still ask myself, “How did you ever get in and out of that? A Miracle!
Well, I did survive, and then a good door opened up for me. I found my feet in the Nigerian Movie industry in 2005. I had one of the best growths in my life working as a screenwriter. I learnt from one of the best, my director.
My days in Nollywood i believe, opened up lots of other doors for me. [the gift of a man makes way for him]
Nollywood days
Nollywood days
But then, life wasn’t all rosy at all times, but my hopes kept me moving. I didn’t clearly see where I was going, but at least i had a fair idea.
END OF THE THIRD DECADE/ BEGINNING OF THE FOURTH DECADE
My moment of reflection…
I sat down and reflected on how I started out as a passionate, creative, yet naive young girl in the year 2000, and how i have got to this point. I call it GROWTH. The necessary growth.
I don’t have it all, I don’t have it all fully figured out yet, but the vision is clearer and I am more than ever, positive and passionate about who I was created to BE. And I am leaving no stones unturned in “making me happen”.
Yes, we are all meant to “happen”. Bringing our gifts to the world, enriching the world with all that was bestowed on us from the beginning.
I am very proud to say that despite all odds, I am ending this decade, my third decade on earth, on a very good note. My dreams are clearly laid out before me…no time is too late, no time…
I am grateful for all the people that i met on the journey…the good, and those that came across as not so good. All lessons learnt! Those that left and those that i left. Everyone and everything came together to form this complete whole that i look at today.
How I’m starting the new decade
So, cheers to the past decades, and many happy cheers to the NEW one!
I don’t have grey hairs yet, but i have been around here long enough to understand some ways that life works.
See, when the Universe, aka GOD brings you blessings, you DO NOT NEED TO STRUGGLE to either have access to them , or keep them. (Please note the Uppercase )
When a gift( be it human or materialistic) is specially prepared for you by God, you do not need to fight to keep it. (You may need to put in some work, but It stays naturally).
At some point in the past I needed a support system. Someone that could stand by me while i achieve my goals. I prayed about it and then, I met someone. A very kind person who was ready to help me move to the next level. But then something was not right.
I struggled. We both struggled.
I’m not a bad person. This person wasn’t a bad person either. I have my flaws, yes but I don’t naturally set out to hurt people or to misbehave. But then it seemed like that was exactly the person I was with this supposedly helpmate of mine.
I struggled. We both struggled.
But this person was ready to stand by me, so I was equally ready to make sacrifices, to make adjustments, in order to get that needed support. I began to cut down on my “excesses”. I became conscious of everything I did just so I wouldn’t hurt this person. I practically lived a life that was somewhat very alien to me. But then I felt it was for a good course. So it was okay.
I struggled…
We both struggled…
I could see that this person wanted to be there for me. But I could also see the struggle and dissatisfaction in them.
You see, in as much as I wanted to move to the next level in my life, i equally cherished my happiness. I knew that I couldn’t keep on being unhappy just because I was ambitious. So, I gave up, and found peace instead.
Fast forward to sometime later, I met someone else… and nobody needed to tell me that this was IT!
Everything went smoothly. I did not ask for anything, everything was offered to me.
I didn’t need to struggle to make this person happy or for them to accept me for who i am.
I didn’t need to explain everything I did just to keep this person. Everything happened naturally. At a point, i felt it was too good to be true. But then, it was true.
This person was able to figure out what I needed. This person was always there, not thinking of the things i did wrong, but thinking of what to do for me, and how to help me become whom i wanted to become: AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN.
Through these experiences, I was able to figure out that the first wasn’t the right one(at least not for me) and for that reason, I struggled and things couldn’t work.
In retrospect, I probably grabbed that “helpmate” because that was what I wanted at the time and so didn’t think twice about it. But because it wasn’t for me, I struggled and it crumbled.
And the second? Because it was made for me, I did not struggle for one day.
You know one thing that amazed me? All the faults that the first person found in me which i suppose were still there when the second person arrived,did not surface . Well at least nothing was said about them by the second person.
I did not hear for one day that (for example),i needed to do something about my attitude. Neither did i have to apologise for anything. Not because I didn’t know how to apologise,but because no fault was found, and so there was nothing to apologize for!
At some point, it seemed to be too good to be true, but it was true.
Gods gifts are perfect!
You can never ever find any faults in His gifts.
The only problem is that it is not always easy to figure out which is His gift and which is not. We mostly find ourselves making “mistakes”, before finding the perfect gift that’s made for us.
But to that, i have a SOLUTION.
Ask Him in prayers for guidance. Trust me, He will be there to guide you and that way, you will not be stressed out chasing after the wrong trains.
TAKE AWAY: You may have to take some wrong paths in life first, before finally finding your feet on the right track. It is normal.
